Feed Your Pets
Single 6:28Song Description:
A rock band’s members struggle to get by until one of them discovers that there are
untapped riches in the southbound leavings of their northbound pets. (Hint: The
group sang “Teach Your Children”)
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Lyrics:
Graham tended to the litter box
of “Cracker”, his orange cat,
who daily watched his owner
digging up the sandy scat.
But why would Graham be mining,
and packaging the poop?
He left no lump unturned,
while “Cracker” watched him scoop and scoop.
This had the outward trappings of conspiracy indeed,
though clumping litter did sort out the spots where Cracker peed.
It seems that Steven’s schnauzer “Sit” observed
his owner was obsessed
with bagging up his tootsie rolls,
then dumped them in a chest,
which disappeared inside Steve’s van,
and soon were on their way.
This happened all too frequently.
“Sit” saw it every day.
There surely was a reason for the actions that occurred,
but how does one assess investment value of a turd?
The coonhound, “Olden”, squatted
long enough to pinch his loaves
which Neil retrieved with plastic bags,
and carted off in droves.
Since “Olden” was beholdin’
to nobody else but Neil,
quick-thinking “Olden” was aware
his owner’d made some deal.
The pet networks were buzzin’ and they all began to fret,
since their owners seemed so int’rested in seeing what they’d get.
To David’s chicken, “Cherry”,
a young Rhode Island Red,
the chicken coop where she did poop
was just a simple shed,
the floor of which Dave scraped,
and transferred product to a box,
which got picked up by UPS,
and traveled untold blocks.
But in good time the plot emerged and word soon got around.
Pets protested for shares of profits picked up off the ground.
Dave’s band had fallen on hard times
from lack of any “hits”,
when one of them, like Einstein,
had a vision of the stuff
that all their pets produced each day
without a lick of work.
He knew it would be easy peezy.
Boy, that made him smirk!
So, sure enough, he figured out
a method to extract
the nutrients and calories
from excrement, in fact.
Dave’s band, though, finally found success
and on the road they ran.
Their pets gave up no secrets
so that nothing “hit the fans”…..
The bottom line, the story’s moral, could be captured thus,
Please take some time and think it through, don’t put up any fuss.
Most pets just work for room and board, and they depend on it.
Just think of all their sacrifice, don’t give them any shit!!
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Roland Burbank – Lyrics
John Schreiner – music; Keyboards/synthesizer; recording; mixing; drum track
Jeff Gunn – vocals
John and Cathy Schreiner – Backup vocals
Randy Mitchell – Guitars
John Mayfield – Mastering
Garry Grant – Song art
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